"Spend Less or Make More"

emotions investing money Apr 20, 2016

There are financial costs to not getting our money house in order. There are also huge emotional costs.

We spend a tremendous amount of mental and emotional energy worrying.  Regretting.  Fearing.  Projecting. Beating ourselves up - further depleting our confidence in this one area of our life.  

You see...When you feel uncomfortable about the state of your finances, it may be hard to be present with your spouse, your family, or to get a good night’s sleep. Because as soon as you slow down, the shame creeps in.

In your mind there is often a voice that says: “you are not good with money, you should know better!  Why can’t you get a handle on this?” Oh, that voice….

I know that voice.

I know intimately how high the tangible and intangible costs are because I paid them myself – for years. I spent many nights when my girls were little, clenching my teeth with financial anxiety.

It was at this time that I sought support – I met with a respected financial advisor to help us figure out what we could be doing to improve our finances.

“Spend less or make more- when you have more money I will be able to help you” was the summarized version of our hour-long conversation.

I left his office feeling resentful of his insensitive “advice” and at a complete loss of what my next step would be. Under my resentment I knew he had hit a cord of deep shame – I felt like I had been doing all that I knew how to do, and clearly I wasn’t doing enough, or doing it well enough – and how stupid was I?

The solution was clearly obvious. But it felt utterly hopeless.  We had long ago cut out all non-essentials (relying on incredibly creative solutions to nearly every ‘extra’ expense – delaying many essentials until our tax refund arrived, or resorting to credit cards). Making more would involve even more work for one, or both of us, and with my role as the primary caregiver of two young girls, this sounded deeply exhausting either way we turned.  I felt even more alone after leaving that appointment – he meant well, and quite honestly it is age old – and sage – advice.

What was missing was support – someone who could assist me in seeing beyond my blind spots, to help me see possibility and options where I saw none. Someone to help me work through that paralyzing shame.

I was not aware of the tangle of beliefs I had about wealth, earning, and financial struggle. I felt like I was doing everything in my power to be “good with money” and yet it wasn’t working, and the advice I had been given seemed to put me smack between a rock and a hard place with no way to escape.

On that day I made a powerful decision – I was going to learn another way, a way that would help us escape this cycle without further deprivation or increasing our working hours.

Today I am emotionally at peace with the natural ups and downs of life and less fearful of the unknown.  I am clear about the choices we make and why we make them, knowing that we have a solid financial approach that will support us with all the amazing and challenging elements the future may hold. My confidence in handling our finances allows me to live in a mindful and present state, liberated from anxious fear and reactivity with the ability to see - and more importantly create - the life we desire. Having attained this, I am passionate about sharing it with everyone ready to do this work.

I want to help you achieve a very, very different financial future.

I want you to know that it can be different, and that you have the ability to take steps in a new direction. This, more than anything is what I wish – that your money becomes a tool to be used consciously. Where it is received with grace, then respected and treated with reverence, allowing your dreams to emerge and be fulfilled.

I want you to know that the shame could keep you paralyzed and trapped for far too long. If you experience shame around your money, I want to invite you to begin releasing it - with gentleness, with support, and with a new approach.

Your life is too important to be on hold. 

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